Getting by with a little help from my friends :-)

Had a very stressful week at work, was actually considering going into anti-social mode and declaring 2 days of hermiting. Thank God for friends who talked me out of my shell and made me realised how ridiculous I was being. Only one way to forget about work blues, and that is to surround yourself with people you love. Lots of them.

You would've thought that as an events planner, getting a big group of friends together is second nature to me. On the contrary, it is exactly because the nature of my work requires me to be so anally retentive 5 days a week that when it comes to my private life I usually opt to go into free fall or at least let someone else come up with a venue, work out the logistics of getting there and calculate the success rate of bringing different groups of friends to the same table (Thanks, Dionne! Just one of the many reasons why we love you!)

Saturday night was a risky experiment in fusing my diverse social circle at a single gathering. I was rather overwhelmed that my invitation returned 21 acceptances, especially as I had sent it by SMS on a whim while enjoying an afternoon gelato at Gustamente with my mature (i.e. grown up and rational, not in the sense of aged cheddar cheese) and sensible girlfriends Di, Anoushka and Eryn. They came along to my little shindig, as did the guys from my gym, Matt Squared and Max, Ross & Co. and also a few new friends to the Golden Circle.

Veteran Beijing residents Anoushka and Dionne share survival tips with newbie Pauline

I never thought I'd see Frank and John out of their sweats. Er... sitting next to another American called Frank.

Matt D looking slightly miffed at Matt K's monopoly on my attention. And the camera's.

It was only 11pm when we finished our very excellent dinner at Banana Leaf so we decided to head down to Beer Mania, one of Beijing's newest purveyors of fine Belgian beer. And as we all know, when the drinking starts that's when good behaviour ends...

Beware the Devil for He is a master shapeshifter who can take on many forms, including seemingly nice American boys andsweet Flemish nectar.

FRANKenstein -vs- Lucifer

Matt D finally cracks the mystery of those burnt out footprints, goats' heads and sacrificial virgins in his apartment.

A couple of rounds buying Belgian beers and overpriced Cosmopolitans left us all skint. We went over to Nanjie and that's when the night really began to unravel. And to think it all started off so well...

Free flow Love on tap at Nanjie. Ahh...

But that didn't last long. It's so much more fun dishing out bad attitude.

Oh my, the hours of fun to be had, lost in the glittering kaleidescope of adorable mugs belonging to Zach and Alex.

But Josh, the new kid in town, injects new blood to the Beijing face-pulling scene giving Alex and Zach a run for their money.

Jia is quite simply bedazzled with the fascinating array of eye candy.

I tell work what I really think of them with a little Dutch courage. :-p

All in all yet another great night out on the town with the gang...

... which, unfotunately, is more than I can say for this gentleman.

Supernanny hard at work?

I am pissed off. Have conducted a futile exercise in trying to post photos of the weekend all day. Could they have cracked down so soon already?

Pictures of how I'd look like if I were an mature female elephant seal in heat may be very unbecoming of a good Asian girl with upright morals and is hardly "directed towards serving the people and socialism" but "against public security and national interest" it most certainly ain't. God, I hate this country so much.

Does that make me a dissident?

Pictures up and running as soon as I discover a way to circumvent the Great Firewall...

Oh show me a home, where the cockroaches roam...

It has been a particularly stressful week at work, compounded by the stress and pressure of living up to my highly successful girlfriends who, despite their busy schedules, still somehow find time to prepare nutrious and delicious meals for their loved ones and get stuck into some home improvement while I, on the other hand, languish in a cockroach infested flat slouched out on the sofa in a work-induced coma in front of the telly eating my 3rd slice of Flora coated rye toast washed down by a single hawthorn jelly sweet which I bought at the Sanlitun Jingkelong supermarket over the weekend.

My feelings at the moment are therefore none too charitable towards those personalities that try to convince us into believing that it IS possible to juggle a stupidly hectic career, romance and domestic bliss. In fact it is perfectly normal to hold a 9-to-whenever job where you are barked at by unrealistic and ignorant clients, held back my well-meaning but underachieving workmates, and that you are expected to go back to a spotlessly clean home, open a well-stocked fridge while you crack open an ice cold beer to unwind for 5 minutes before you start to cook an elaborate home-made banquet for one which will take 2 hours preparation time plus marinating and 10 minutes to cool in order to get the flavour 'just so'.

And none of that TV dinner nonsense. You will sit at a perfectly set table (you laid out the silver cutlery and enjoyed a chilled glass of Chablis while waiting for your dinner. Oh, and sat in a hot bath, allowing the soothing water to wash away the stress while playful shadows from the scented candles all around you dance across your eyelids) and enjoy your lovingly prepared meal to the soundtrack of Mambo Kings. After doing the dishes and wiping down your kitchen work top, you slip into some comfy pink slippers and flip through the latest issue Home & Country till you decide that it's been a long day and retire for the night. So you snuggle into your immaculately crisp sheets, turn off the bedside lamp and fall asleep with just the slightest hint of a smile on your face, safe in the knowledge that it has been a good day that can only bettered by tomorrow.

In reality this is how my life goes: work for 11 hours straight, buy shitty RMB6 canteen lunch and eat it at the computer while I catch up on email. If I don't go to the gym, I drag myself up 4 flights of steps, kick off my shoes which land in the untidy pile of OTHER shoes at my door. I drop my bag down on the nearest surface (floor will do nicely), whip up a pasta with cheese dinner - my 4th consecutive one - made with the fastest cooking angel hair I could get at Jenny Lou's (4 minutes to al dente). While the dinner cooks, I quickly sweep up cockroach debris - wings, legs, eggs, droppings, decapitated heads - which has accumulated in the 12 hours that I've been out of the house. I tuck greedily into my dinner burning my tongue on my way there while David Fisher embalms another body on my TV. If I haven't been to the gym then I'm probably too tired to shower and pledge to wake up early tomorrow. I don't smell that bad yet anyway. I'm tempted to leave the dishes till tomorrow too but know all too well that my home will be overrun by an even bigger colony of roaches than it already plays host to. With all that done, I collapse into my unmade bed - it has been that way for the past 2 weeks and the only time I made it recently was so that my landlady wouldn't think that I was a complete slob when she came round to take curtain measurements - and find fitful sleep eventually after convincing myself that there's no point in worrying about what I can't fix till 9am the next day. Yep, life as I know it is a far cry from the glossy pages Good Housekeeping.

New elephant seal species discovered

I give you the mirounga Beijingren! Eat your heart out, David Attenborough!

Mid Autumn Festival

Yesterday was Mid Autumn Festival. I would have been quite happy staying at home as I do on all Sundays but Max convinced me to go to Leon's Zhongqiu do at Lusongyuan Hotel. Zhongqiu Jie is that traditional time of the year when Chinese families gather around a table, sit under the stars, drink tea and eat mooncakes, and our family here in Beijing is no different. It was great being with the people I love and meeting new friends and I'm glad I didn't go the slippery road of Nip/Tuck on DVD and a Dominos pizza TV dinner.

Leon, thinking that Matt D and I knew each other and got along well enough, sat the two of us next to each other. But that was before I encroached on to Matt's territory and he felt threatened enough to do something about it...

Me: Do you think this perfume does anything to mask my natural aroma, Matt?

Matt: This crazy ass chick has GOT to go!

... and we were caught like a couple of elephant seals defending their hood from would-be invaders. Or in the middle of what looked like an elaborate mating ritual between two giant pinnipeds.

Oh maaah gaawd maah Mom's poe-tay-toe seealaaad! It's amaayzing!

But seeing as it was Zhongqiu Jie and all we decided to put our differences behind us and made up fairly swiftly...

The normally territorial sea-dwelling shellfish eaters bonded through their mutual love of the marine biologist's lenses...

Mooncake chomping elephant seals weren't the only pretty things at the table...

Matt K and Jia in yet another of their sickeningly picture perfect poses...

But that was before a particularly delicious looking fruit platter caught Matt K's eye and they were soon flirting furiously...

Juicy...

Max decided that a fruit platter was far more than any one man deserved and made off with the cocktail umbrella...

Max always made sure that he wore the right colour accessories to complement his outfit especially on a special night like this...

And Jia discovered that it was far more fun to hang out with the other girls after all.

Me, Jia and her cleavage vying for blogspace

We never got to see the moon of course, this being Beijing, the city of perpetual smog and pollution but this whole Chinese obsession with lunar rabbits is overrated anyway. Happy Zhongqiu, everyone!

You know you're stressed out when...

... you're at the clinic seeing to what seems like a minor chest infection. The doctor tells you to lie down and gives you the all over examination. He presses down hard on the lymph nodes on your neck and a grave look of concern crosses his face. He ignores the questions you raise and calmly finishes the rest of his examination. He steps behind his desk, removing the stethoscope from his ears and balances his glasses on his nose, jotting down his observations in your medical records while you sit yourself up nervously and prepare yourself for his diagnosis.

Doctor: I'd advise you to take a chest x-ray.
Me: Is.... is everything okay?
Doctor: Just a precautionary measure...
Me: What's wrong...?
Doctor: Your lymph nodes, they're unusually large and knotted
Me *hand self-consciously going to the back of my neck*: Oh? I thought these were just over-exercised neck muscles. I go to the gym alot, you see...
Doctor: No, those are your lymph nodes, part of your immune system. They become enlarged when your body is fighting off an infection.
Me *crestfallen*: Oh... I thought those arm lifts were finally working.
Doctor *rolls his eys*: Noooo... I don't know, maybe you have unusually large lymph nodes. Or maybe...
Me: Maybe what??
Doctor: Maybe you have tubercolosis.
Me *eyes lighting up*: TB? You mean that infectious disease where you cough up green goo and requires hospitalisation and quarantine? Ooh... do you think I can be out of work till.. say... 12th October?
Doctor: Look, I'm just saying it may be serious. That's why I'm advising you to take a chest x-ray.
Me *nodding over enthusiastically* (thinking) : Please give me TB.... Please give me TB...

I was so happy I just about stopped myself from skipping to the x-ray room. So imagine my disappointment when my results came back and I did not have TB, nor did any nasty little flecks show up on my lungs. I had to pay RMB600 for it and I was given a clean bill of health to work my sorry little arse to the ground.

And THAT is when you know that your job is a health hazard in its own right.