The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of event planning in China

Phew... The event that we have been planning for 4 months came and went on 12th October. It went well enough and the clients are happy... for now. My boss offered congratulations on a job well done and advised surrounding myself with friends so that I didn't fall into a "black hole" as he had back in the day when he used to organise events. He said he felt empty, depressed and without purpose without the stress of preparing for an event. Pffth... black hole indeed. No danger of that happening. Just when I thought I could take a couple of days off to recuperate I get phonecalls summoning me back to the office to prepare for another couple of things on 20th October and 3rd November.

The events and marketing industry is at fascinating stage of development in China and here I am caught thick in the action. I have been presented countless opportunities to work alongside people from all walks of life from CEOs, leaders of global industry and heads of state like German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, right down to armies of labourers who transform ordinary places into glittering party venues, technicians who work tirelessly around the clock to set up equipment and lay every last cable as well as and the ayi taskforce who clean, mop and wipe down every last surface till not a trace of dirt remains. Somewhere in the middle of this spectrum are the individuals that I conduct day-to-day communication with, usually consisting of white collar Chinese employees in large multinational companies who have graduated from some of the top universities in China and speak a smattering of English and who, as a result, hold the mistaken belief that they are a superior class far above other Chinese. These are some of the most arrogant, self-important yet ironicallly ignorant and unprofessional individuals that I've ever had the misfortune to deal with.

And in the middle of this maelstrom, the much-maligned, over-worked, under-appreciated
events coordinator i.e. me, is entrusted with the difficult and thankless task of pooling these resources towards the common goal of a successful and impressionable event. Notwithstanding the shit I have to put up with on the way there, I'd agree to go through it all over again in a heartbeat if only for the simple fact that this position affords me the full view of different human interactions that make up an event and indeed any successful undertaking in China.

The Good

For all my complaints about Chinese employees, this project wouldn't have taken off without the industrious team of colleagues and workers I had the pleasure of working with.

While I fully endorse the need to maintain a healthy balance of having a life outside the work sphere, routine hours is simply not a regular feature in this industry. In preparing for this event I worked 14 hour days sustained only by a steady stream of coffee, greasy croissants that I bagged from the hotel cafe at breakfast and also the other people who were in this together with me. My colleagues would shoo me off the work site so that I could get a couple of hours of shut eye while they stayed up to supervise construction and set up work which was manned by technicians and labourers working through the night. They took turns sleeping on the hotel sofas and woke each other up in the morning for a simple breakfast of egg pancakes and buns before soldiering on once again. Waking up at 5.30am for final checks on lighting equipment after 3 unfulfilling hours of fitful sleep was made so much easier just by the solidarity of these people who went the extra mile without so much as a complaint. Ask this of workers anywhere else in the world and incur the wrath of worker unions and labour movements along with threats of strikes, demands for higher wages and improved work conditions.

The Bad

Many people and businesses in China aspire to be great and often they turn towards the West as a source of inspiration. The Chinese have an insatiable appetite for all things European even as they scream and insist that their culture and history is far superior to any other in the world.

Transplanting French Baroque architecture to a Chinese managed hotel in the suburban landscape of Changping district is aesthetically objectionable. However, importing Parisian-style service attitude and integrating it into half arsed Chinese hotel management is just off-the-scale unethical and wrong.

I believe that the Chateau Lafitte has dreams of becoming a world-class hotel, an oasis of kitsch tranquility in the of the wasteland steel mills and garbage recycling workshops beyond the 5th Ring Road, catering to middle class Beijingites looking for a weekend break. As with many other things in China, it is easy to build hardware and infrastructure, ergo impressive castle buildings, Greco-Roman pillars and luxuriously fitted guest rooms. However, it is the "software reprogramming" i.e. well trained staff with a high level of education that is the uphill battle. The lack of professional hotel management training especially in the Banquet Department was telling. For example:

• The managers were surly and would have been more at home in SOE or down my local jiachangcai restaurant. They were unresponsive even to the least demanding of requests like changing the reception table skirting from red to blue (I know it's anal but seriously about half my time is spent ensuring that the client's fragile corporate identity ego is not bruised).
  
• Repeated instructions were given by myself and my other colleagues before a soiled table cloth in the banquet hall which shouldn't even have been there in the first place was changed.
• Wine glasses were placed on banquet tables facing down??! Even a cultural neanderthal of the MTV era like me knows that just isn't right!
• The waiter gave me blank look when I asked for scrambled eggs at breakfast before informing me I had a choice between yi bian jian "fried one side" or liang bian jian "fried two sides". The kao mian bao "grilled bread" which I assumed was toast turned out to be soggy Danish pastry adorned in the centre with lumpy custard and a limp slice of tinned peach. "Where is my kao mian bao?" The waiter regarded me kindly with a look that I would normally reserve for mentally handicapped children and nodded his head towards the offending pastry.
  

The Ugly

Naturally, I reserve my most scathing comments for white collar Chinese employees with superiority complex that I had to deal with before and during the event. Stupid people do not bother me in the slightest. But it is when stupid people mistakenly think that they are smarter than everyone else because they are employed by a luxury German auto maker and happened to spend a year working in Singapore which OBVIOUSLY makes them worldly and cosmopolitan and well-travelled and therefore far better than the rest of us. That's when their very existence pisses me off. I have never seen such a flawless incorporation of anal retentiveness into micro-management. Does nobody love her? Did her mother wish she had died at childbirth? And if she did, why didn't her mother throw her into the river like the rest of the unwanted female babies and done us all a favour? Then we wouldn't have to endure such Dumb and Dumber dialogues like:

Anal Retentive Harpy: How many wait staff can you allocate to us for our cocktail reception?

Banquet Manager: We can give you 10 staff to clear empty glasses and plates, as well as replenishing food and drinks on the cocktail station.

ARH: So... there will no staff to serve our guests?

BM: Well no, we usually set up food and drink stations and guests help themselves.

ARH: That is not acceptable. Our guests are very important people. They cannot be expected to serve themselves.

Me: *Last I heard they were corporate bigwigs, not incontinent cerebral palsy patients. What do you mean they can't serve themselves??!*

BM: Well... this is the way the hotel organises all cocktail receptions, I'm afraid.

Me: *Wow, I'm sure you love being in the service industry*

ARH: I'm telling you, you are not giving me enough staff. This is going to be a disaster.

BM: Ok look, I'll try to switch some staff over from the hotel bar in addition to the wait staff from the Western restaurant to make up the numbers, but I can't possibly allocate 20 staff for your reception. I need people for dinner preparations.

ARH: Ok then, how about 15 staff.

BM: Twelve.

Me: *I can't believe I'm hearing this*

ARH: I didn't come here to bargain. I paid the hotel, I expect service.

Me: *Actually, WE paid the hotel deposit, you mangy bitch. You haven't coughed up a single fen!*

BM: Miss, this is the best we can offer.

ARH: *with reluctant resignation* Fine. What sort of uniforms will they be wearing?

BM: Excuse me?

ARH: They will be wearing identical uniforms, right?

BM: Well uh... uniforms for male and female staff are different.

ARH: That's fine, but the staff from the Western restaurant and the bar. They are coming from two different F&B outlets. They will be wearing the same uniform, right?

BM: Well... no... as you said, they usually work in two different outlets, and uniform is one way of differentiation.

ARH: *shaking head so hard her neck looked like it was about to snap* Bu bu bu bu bu bu. bu No no no no no no. How silly will that look? They must have identical uniforms.

BM: *exasperation* Miss! Their functions will be different! I will allocate the bar staff to serve behind the cocktail station and replenish food and drinks on the table. The staff from the Western restaurant will mingle in the crowd collecting used glasses and tableware...

ARH: AND serving our guests!

BM: And serving y.. no, sorry I can't promise that. They are not trained to serve guests! I've told you that already!

ARH: But how can that be?! How can I ask the company president to queue up with everyone at the cocktail station and help himself to finger food?

BM: I would much rather he did that than my service staff spilling red wine all over him.

ARH: I don't believe this.

BM: Miss, rest assured, everything will be alright. This is not the first time we're hosting a luxury auto maker. We are aware of the high requirements you have.

ARH: Fine. Now back to the uniforms. Can't you dress them in the same uniform? The hotel MUST have surplus uniforms.

Me: Um... actually I don't think it'll make a difference...

ARH: Shut up, Jo.

Me: OK. *shutting up and sinking into chair*

BM: The hotel does NOT have surplus uniforms! Plus all uniforms are made to order! And all staff are responsible for their own uniforms! They take it home with them! We do not have extra uniforms in storage! And even if we do, they're not one size fits all!

ARH: I don't care how you fix the uniform problem, just fix it. Now. How about security guards...?

I kid you not. This 'meeting' chases its own tail round and round for an hour, and to serve what end other than an inwardly insecure female Chinese white collar worker asserting her authority where she can.

Anyhow, that is in the past and I have to look forward to collecting balance payment from the client for services rendered. That is going to be another ugly one but I'll worry about it tomorrow. I'll be getting pictures of the event on Monday and will post it on another site for friends and family (you know who you are), much as I'd like to name and shame the client in public. I'm not completely without principles, you know. ;-)