Business practices with Chinese characteristics
One thing that I will certainly take away with me after my China stint is appreciation for the orderly manner in which business is conducted in other parts of the world. I have no illusions about deals and transactions being executed with German precision, nor that I'd be on such an equal wavelength with the people I'd deal with if I were anywhere else that we were probably soulmates in another lifetime. But I have to say that I have never quite encountered ignorance and thick-skinnedness on the same level as I have while I've been working in Beijing. To be fair, although Guangzhou is a shithole and everyone is out to scam you, I've found that business-savvy Guangzhouren have always been so much easier to work with. The fact that I expect to be taken for a ride means that I have my guard up. I also find myself in awe of their wileyness and cunning and I respect them for accepting that there are certain business practices that just cannot be bent. Which is more than I can say for the Northerners who have by some cruel twist of fate have been imposed on me.
Consider this:
Party A: My client
Party B: Chateau Lafitte
Our company: Party A's whipping boy and Party B's gimp
Party A and Party B have signed a very ordinary business contract including a date by which a non-refundable deposit must be paid in order for us, the subcontractor, to prepare for an event on the hotel grounds.
Contact person at Party A is a Northern retard who knows too well how long it takes for their finance department to issue cheques multinationals in China are staffed with an incompetent workforce and managed by foreigners who are perpetually on holiday. Naturally, she applies for the deposit cheque too late and the finance manager has swanned off on an extended October holiday. Therefore, the cheque in question is till now not yet in existence, and the deadline came and went this morning.
Party B is run by a bunch of arseholes who throw peasants and farmers off their land to build a horrific mockery of French architecture. They probably have rotting teeth, smoke Hongye cigarettes by the dozen, roll their trouser legs up at meetings and then have orgies with prostitutes in their karaoke baojian to celebrate another successful land transaction that will displace another rural village.
A couple of weeks ago I received a panicked phonecall from the Harpy (that would be the beifangren whose own mother hated her so much that she dropped her on her head when she was a baby) saying that she could not expedite payment.
Harpy: You guys need to write the hotel a cheque to act as our guarantee.
Me: You have to be joking! We are a small company, we don't have the financial resources.
Harpy: They just need a guarantee till our cheque arrives, that's all.
Me: We don't have a contract with the hotel, we can't just write them cheques willy-nilly! And we most certainly cannot act as a guarantee for all our clients.
Harpy: They won't bank it in, they just want a guarantee. It doesn't need to say anything, you can just (I swear to God this is exactly what she said) write a blank cheque.
Me: *sputtering* I... WHAT?
Harpy: That's right, you heard me.
Me: Look Miss Harpy, I don't think you understand the definition of a guarantor. In fact, there is no agreement, written or otherwise, that names our company asParty A's guarantor.
Harpy: *spitting fire* I don't see what the big deal is.
Me: I don't think you understand the legal responsibilities of a guarantor. If I said yes, I would be agreeing to be responsible for costs that arise from the contract that your company signed with the hotel if you default on payment.
Harpy: Of coursenot, you're just being dramatic! It's not as if they're going to bank the cheque in.
Me: This is not the correct business practice. I cannot do this. I suggest if all they're after is a guarantee then I can draft a Letter of Guarantee for you which you can print out on company letterhead and get that bitch you call a boss (didn't really say that but I can fantasise) to sign it.
This goes back and forth for weeks. The foreign finance manager is still on holiday, the Harpy is still mentally challenged but the hotel decides that not only do they want a cheque from us as a guarantee, they also have every intention of sticking it in the bank before they let us begin any work for the event. I have resisted as much as I could but in the end my choices came down to walking away from 4 months of preparation or coughing the cheque up. It was painful but what else could I do?
China sucks ass.
Consider this:
Party A: My client
Party B: Chateau Lafitte
Our company: Party A's whipping boy and Party B's gimp
Party A and Party B have signed a very ordinary business contract including a date by which a non-refundable deposit must be paid in order for us, the subcontractor, to prepare for an event on the hotel grounds.
Contact person at Party A is a Northern retard who knows too well how long it takes for their finance department to issue cheques multinationals in China are staffed with an incompetent workforce and managed by foreigners who are perpetually on holiday. Naturally, she applies for the deposit cheque too late and the finance manager has swanned off on an extended October holiday. Therefore, the cheque in question is till now not yet in existence, and the deadline came and went this morning.
Party B is run by a bunch of arseholes who throw peasants and farmers off their land to build a horrific mockery of French architecture. They probably have rotting teeth, smoke Hongye cigarettes by the dozen, roll their trouser legs up at meetings and then have orgies with prostitutes in their karaoke baojian to celebrate another successful land transaction that will displace another rural village.
A couple of weeks ago I received a panicked phonecall from the Harpy (that would be the beifangren whose own mother hated her so much that she dropped her on her head when she was a baby) saying that she could not expedite payment.
Harpy: You guys need to write the hotel a cheque to act as our guarantee.
Me: You have to be joking! We are a small company, we don't have the financial resources.
Harpy: They just need a guarantee till our cheque arrives, that's all.
Me: We don't have a contract with the hotel, we can't just write them cheques willy-nilly! And we most certainly cannot act as a guarantee for all our clients.
Harpy: They won't bank it in, they just want a guarantee. It doesn't need to say anything, you can just (I swear to God this is exactly what she said) write a blank cheque.
Me: *sputtering* I... WHAT?
Harpy: That's right, you heard me.
Me: Look Miss Harpy, I don't think you understand the definition of a guarantor. In fact, there is no agreement, written or otherwise, that names our company asParty A's guarantor.
Harpy: *spitting fire* I don't see what the big deal is.
Me: I don't think you understand the legal responsibilities of a guarantor. If I said yes, I would be agreeing to be responsible for costs that arise from the contract that your company signed with the hotel if you default on payment.
Harpy: Of coursenot, you're just being dramatic! It's not as if they're going to bank the cheque in.
Me: This is not the correct business practice. I cannot do this. I suggest if all they're after is a guarantee then I can draft a Letter of Guarantee for you which you can print out on company letterhead and get that bitch you call a boss (didn't really say that but I can fantasise) to sign it.
This goes back and forth for weeks. The foreign finance manager is still on holiday, the Harpy is still mentally challenged but the hotel decides that not only do they want a cheque from us as a guarantee, they also have every intention of sticking it in the bank before they let us begin any work for the event. I have resisted as much as I could but in the end my choices came down to walking away from 4 months of preparation or coughing the cheque up. It was painful but what else could I do?
China sucks ass.
posted by Jo at 1:03 PM
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